weirdo

8 04 2011

And because I am a little perfectionist (or maybe  just an obsessive-compulsive), I can get a little frustrated on things sometimes.

I’ve sort of put a little goal on myself in my work – actually, i didn’t have that goal until I knew I wasn’t hitting my own little level of perfection.  I almost wanted to scream at my coaches to let them know, to emphasize on them that if its hard for them to see me do mistakes, it’s harder for me to realize, to see that I am just not doing even the “standard” of everything.

And usually, in times like this, the letters Q-U-I-T whispers in my ear.  But I told myself; “Heck!  I can’t do that!  I can’t quit!  I love it here and that’s why I’m gonna make it here!  I can do this and survive and be good at it soon!  I just have to be more patient and strive harder, push harder.  If I quit here, now, then that will just mean I really don’t care for goals and dreams and love for work and career which are all I am!  I love my goals and dreams and work and career!  If I quit on this one that will mean I am just a good for nothing piece of filthy rag.  And I am so not that.  Heck no!  Na-ah!”  (yeah I told that all to myself).

Strategize, thats what I need to do.  If I have to literally memorize everything just so I can be comfortable and not have nerves whenever the spotlight lights on me, then that’s what I have to do, whole-heartedly.

My best friend told me not to get frustrated anymore because he knew someday I’ll be the manager of our branch.  Although I’ve never thought about that and I have certainly have no plans of becoming one, whatsoever, it can be a goal…not a dream, really…but just a goal. 😀

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